So, I had a lot of naysayers when I was pregnant. Your whole life will change, you can’t do the same things you used to…you will be tied to your house…blah blah blah. Well, I gave them all the middle finger and threw caution to the wind.
How many of you have changed a nappy on the go? Don’t you think there is an art-form, or a prize that you should receive for changing it?I have had the most peculiar experiences changing bad, smelly, horrible messes in the funniest situations. Most of them are during our travels:
Our car ride with our 31/2 month old from Vancouver to Portland. O.K, so this was our first road trip with the newest member of the family, we had the car packed to the brim, and we thought we had our stops covered i.e when we needed to stop and let me nurse. So, we made it to Tacoma, Washington, have you been there? Well, I had sort of stored it in the recesses of my mind that there was a base there, but being Canadian, I thought nothing of it. So, our son was crying, we were starving and there was a Denny’s – I swear if Denny’s wall could talk. We took the whole car seat out, brought our little one in. Everyone turned to look at us. Well, me being the diplomat – in my head I was saying a few swear words, but on the outside I was smiling and tried to be as friendly as I could to the waitress who seated us in the middle of, wait for it, a sea of 18/19 year olds,all in infantry uniform, all carrying automatic weapons. Not sure how you respond, but again, being Canadian we don’t typically see a scene like this, well ever. So we sat down, and I realized a horrible yellow slime running down my sons p.js. Oh, great. So, I got up, took the car seat and went back to the car. This was the 4th nasty mess I had to clean up. Crap, now I had to find clothes in the suitcase (he had already gone through the ones in the diaper bag), in the car…So, I opened the passenger’s side, had a p.j set in my hand, and a fresh diaper in my mouth, wipes on the floor, and my naked and soiled little mans bits up in the air. A massive Hummer drives up beside me, 6 massive young men get out, and one, who was obviously much older, (but still younger than me) leans in and says “ Wow, I have seen some messes, but this is bad, mam, you deserve a medal!” Well, at that moment I wasn’t sure if I should smack him (for taking such a close look at the mess) or to hug him for recognizing that I deserved a medal, instead, I opted to let him open the door of the restaurant for me. Tacoma was scary on the outside, but really sweet on the inside.
Colmar, France is lovely, a little sleepy, but fantastic to stay if you want some absolutely wonderful day trips. We headed off to an incredible castle (I don’t want to name it), no way you could walk around it with a stroller, I gathered the poor souls who took a tour bus were not told ahead of time, all of their strollers were parked outside. Thank goodness for our backpack. So, we stopped to have a quick bite to eat after walking around and then getting rained on – then all hell broke loose. My son needed a dirty diaper change. We looked around, most of the time it is more convenient to change him outside on a bench, but the only bench there was, was a stone medieval one, which you weren’t allowed to sit on. I grabbed the wipes and diaper, and the change mat. Headed into the woman’s washroom – oh crap, no change table, and there was barely any room to swing a cat (pardon the expression). So what to do, well, lets just describe the scene, most castles weren’t built with a modern washroom – so it was an interesting add-on. The floor sloped to one side (we were on a mountain side), so, well, on the floor the change mat went, but it was wet from the down pour. My little toddler at this point was very mobile and screaming at me (it was a cold floor), the poop was all pellets, and my back was so close to the bathroom stall that a woman came in, hit my back pretty hard while getting into the stall (I had a bruise the next day). Then I was yelled at, in French, I pretended to not understand a word of it, but translated it went something like this “why would you change your child in here, why would you bring your child out.” then it happened, the poop pellets started to roll under the bathroom stall, after the French woman made my child cry and try to get up for a hug mid change. A German woman came in and started to scream in German, only I couldn’t understand it at all, and then two other French women came in looked at the situation, and swore at the other women, then proceeded to tell me that it was horrible that there was no place to change a baby. Ya think? It made for an awesome story though!!!
We were told Berlin was cold and standoffish – we didn’t find that at all. People were blunt to the point, but very hospitable, I fell in love with all aspects of the city. It is also extremely family friendly – actually, the whole of Germany is, and we plan on going back many times over. We were out for a long day, experiencing the wonders of a city with so much political history. We were caught in a massive rain storm. We ran into a pub, thank goodness in Europe pubs are actually child friendly, in Canada they are not. My poor little man was soaked and had a dirty diaper. So, off to the bathroom I went. The bartender looked at me and followed – oh crap, am I going to get yelled at? She had a towel in her hands and quickly moped the floor and pointed to the dry spot for the mat, no smile, and left. I was actually grateful, changed my son from head to toe. As I got up to wash my hands, the bartender came back in, this time with a pint in her hand, and said “frenchfries” and pointed back to toward the tables. I was a little stunned, never been served a pint in the bathroom while changing a child. But that was just Berlin for ya, nothing fazed them!
So there you have it, never judge a book by its cover, and never think you can’t go out for fear of the unknown! Parenthood is messy, gross, but also rewarding, get out there and have fun wherever you are.
I am sure you all have some hilarious medal nappy changing stories, why don’t you share them.