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beauty, charity, community, culture, family, Happiness, Health, Home, inspiration, life changing, mental-health, Parenting, people, pursuit of happiness, thoughts, Travel, writing
A few months ago I wrote a piece on the Pursuit of Happiness. I got a great deal of response on the post, and a couple of e-mails. The e-mails have been sitting for months, I wasn’t sure how to address one in particular, regarding how cruel I was to cut out family members if I felt their impact was negative. I don’t think I am cruel for wanting to be happy and to surround myself and my family with positivity.
Here is another way to look at it. Do you get guilted regularly? Does anyone say “I am worried about you?, hearing those words automatically puts you on the defensive, the person who is saying those words aren’t actually worried about you, it is a self serving question. Do you watch family members passing judgement on others, but they in turn don’t practice what they preach? Do you find yourself sitting for about an hour on the phone, or in person, and leave a conversation feeling worse than when you came into it? Do you ask for a family members approval and find they question everything? When you discuss your dreams, does anyone put you down for having them? Do you hear complaints about how easy everyone else has it? No matter who does any of this, it is all negative.
Just because you are related by blood, doesn’t mean you owe anything to anybody. You don’t owe time to someone who guilts you into spending that time with them. Nobody should ever put you down for having dreams and aspirations.
One morning, both my husband and I woke up feeling empty. We were surrounded by things, and experiences, and a beautiful son, but there was something so empty and unsatisfying about it all. We were both running around after our son, working all hours of the day, but not being present anywhere, at anytime. It was as if we couldn’t connect 100% on anything we did, our minds were always feeling guilty. Our lives had gotten negative, and many people around us were impacting us negatively, which just added fuel to the fire. Being a parent doesn’t fulfill that feeling of purpose, what I am talking about, is doing something bigger than you and your family.
The more we began searching for Happiness, my Father’s words began to ring true “never feel guilty for cutting people out, even if it is your family.” When you begin to self actualize, you stop feeling everyone’s guilt and just carry on with what you want.
As my husband and I build our business, the first thing we wanted to do, is give back. In our families, being an entrepreneur is a bad word, it is seen as just for profit, and selfish. We have had to block that negativity out, and carry on, for if we listened to that, and didn’t take a chance, we wouldn’t be waking up extremely happy. Our first thought has always been to be part of the community. We want to put charity work on our radar and make a difference, so as we grow as a business, so does our charity work. As individuals we can give back, but as a team, we can really make a difference.
We have found our purpose and I cannot wait to write more about it and share what we are doing!
Have you found purpose? Share it, I would love the hear all about it.
Travel Lady with Baby
Travel Lady with Baby 
power to u and ur family! if it doenst work it needs to be cut off! i understand you and agree 110%!!
xoxo
Thanks, it has taken us a while to get to this point, but I have never understood why people hold onto family members who are a drag, and have never gotten therapy to help themselves! Thanks for commenting!
I didn’t realize you and your husband are entrepreneurs. What type of business are you in? Congrats on recognizing the need to let go of unhealthy relationships and for having the strength to follow through!
Yes we are, and loving every second of it! We own a sustainability consulting and promotions company. Crazy, stupid busy, but it is all worth it!
I am all about cutting negative people out of my life! It’s definitely harder with family and I admit there are some people I would rather not have to deal with but feel like I have no choice because of certain circumstances. But with friends I have an easier time filtering out the ones that are so draining.
I thought your post was excellent and so true to the point. Negativity gets people nowhere in the world and just brings you down. 🙂
Congratulations on your business. A challenging endeavor, especially with other negative aspects trying to surround you. Kudos to you for squashing the negativity.
I remember that post you are talking about. Your words actually helped me get through a horrific battle that has been going on in my family. My husband and I have been persecuted by a couple of family members based upon religion. It has been an exhausting journey.
I see no shame in what you write. Yes, it’s hard to let go of “blood” relatives but sometimes you are better off without their cantankerous attitudes.
Thank you! Once you are a path and you realize you can change things, the negativity doesn’t bother you, you just walk away from it. It is particularly interesting how people hold onto a perception that it is cruel to cut out family members even if they are in fact pulling you down. If I have control of what environment I want to be in, as well as my son’s, why wouldn’t I chose it to be a positive one? We have been taught that if family is everything, but no one ever stops to think if it really makes them happy.
I am so sorry you have had to go through so much with your family, especially when it comes to religion (which is ultimately so personal). Drop kick the situation out of your life and don’t make anyone make you feel guilty for it!!! Thanks for chiming in, I always love hearing your views. Hope you had a nice little vacation.
Thanks, we did have a great vacay with my husband’s family.
It’s funny that we are just having this conversation because the people that I’m talking about just called me to return some maternity clothes. I can handle the “sometimes” conversations (necessity, family gatherings, etc). For some reason these people want to have an every-day relationship. Not sure why…they’ve said multiple times how terrible we are and how we “walk the line” with religion. They have told us that we are bad people because we don’t go to church and [insert any reason here]. I’m totally fine keeping it at a distance, but their constant push to be “close” and to “change our way of life” is exhausting. It’s all guilt that I’m learning to push away. It feels refreshing not to have them in our everyday lives.
Thanks so much for talking with me. It’s so therapeutic.
I always think that those who need to express their religion and want to force others onto their religion, usually means they are extremely insecure. They want to be around you because you are happy, but at the same time they want you to be miserable. It is very odd. I actually like to question back, like “you have a very interesting view, what makes you believe that – so what you are trying to tell me is that I have to think just like you?” the conversation gets put back on them. The less defensive you are, the more it confuses them and puts them off guard. Such a pain! So glad you had a great weekend.
Still wondering about purpose myself but as I get older and (hopefully) evolve, what you wrote, ‘When you begin to self actualize, you stop feeling everyone’s guilt and just carry on with what you want.’ becomes more and more true. I agree that family/blood ties don’t mean we have to put up with negativity, guilt, demeaning comments…I’m becoming quite happy with the family I’m getting to make. I look for those who energize (and run from the ‘energy vampires’ who seem to sap my will to live) and I work at being an energizer myself. Enjoying your site…thank you!
Thanks so much for this wonderful comment. Guilt can be the most depressing sentence for anyone. Most people truly believe that they are tied to their family because they are family, but that can be so toxic and can hurt you in the long run. As soon as someone starts to use guilt as a weapon, I now feel strong enough to walk away. I love your line of run from the “energy vampires” that is brilliant!